Have you ever felt so weary and weak that you find yourself unable to do anything?
Have you ever been so oppressed and attacked spiritually that you can barely utter a prayer?
You’re not alone. As I write this blog, I can honestly say that I’m working through this right now.
This past Saturday, I was so filled with the Spirit that I wanted to talk to everyone and anyone because I was overwhelmed with the grace and goodness of our Lord!
Fast forward to earlier this morning (I'm writing this on Monday, just two days later), and I found myself unable to do anything but go to my room and cry out to our Father.
Any focus and motivation and self-confidence that I had to take on the day earlier was completely wiped out. Gone. No where to be found.
A classic case of the Monday’s? Not a chance.
I told the Lord that I wouldn’t leave without a word from Him; I couldn’t have even if I wanted to.
As I read and meditated on Isaiah 41:10, I still struggled to find comfort. I finally closed my eyes, said to the Lord, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening” and did my best to focus on Him by recalling John’s description of Him in Revelation 1:13-17.
Time went on and I continued to ward off dozens of distracting thoughts aimed at breaking my focus. Doesn’t it sometimes seem like the closer we get to our Father, the more intense the attack?
Needless to say, I still felt heavy and was just about to open my eyes when a flicker of light came to my spirit.
“Christ is sufficient. Everything you could ever need is found in Him.”
I then recalled 1 Corinthians 1:30 “..For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God.”
I thought of the Psalmist saying “In your presence there is fullness of joy.”
I remembered the power, grace, love, strength and all the rest of his “glorious, unlimited resources” given to us who believe.
I went on to write in my Kairos Journal that Jesus literally has every resource we could ever need. The cry of the father whose boy was demon possessed immediately came to mind “Lord I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)
As I reflect on this morning I can’t help but think of the utter dependence I had during that rough time. Everything in me knew there was nothing in me or anyone else that could get me through it. Just him. I waved the white flag, surrendered and let go.
Coincidentally (or maybe not), I listened to a sermon earlier in the day which posed this question:
Do you live your life, on a daily basis, as if it depended on the Lord? Or do you live it as if you need nothing from the Lord (unless of course there is a bad diagnosis or you’re in need of a parking spot)?
The pastor went on to define luke-warmness as a “pervasive sense of self-sufficiency.”
In a world that thrives off of self-sufficiency, independence and self-interest, it was a sobering reminder to “bow down and admit our dependence on the Lord” every single day.
I'll end with my own prayer, that I hope encourages you to pray and come humbly before Our Father with all of your mind, body, and soul.
“Father, thank you that your grace is sufficient. Thank you for your unending love that never fails. Thank you for your patience with such a fickle creature such as myself! I pray that you would show me areas of my heart that I haven’t handed over to you. May you God, the God of peace, sanctify me through and through. May my whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.”
If there is anything I can keep in prayer for you, simply leave a comment below - we read every one.