I spent the majority of my life in a small town in central Pennsylvania. If you visited the town during the summer or fall months, you might think it’s one of the prettiest small towns you’ve ever seen. From the river to the rolling hills, the farm land and the foliage, the beauty and charm is impossible to escape.
But if you came here in the winter, say from December through March, you might not feel the same way. On average, there are 172 sunny days out of 365 - and the majority of those sunless days fall during the first few months of the year.
My family and friends will often refer to this time as a season of “seasonal depression.” It’s dark. It’s gloomy. The days are short and sometimes, the fog is so thick that if it stays for an entire day, you won’t be able to see much further than 15 feet in front of you.
A few days ago as I was visiting family and seeing Renee in person for the first time (more on that soon!), it was a day just as the one described. During the drive home, I spent time reflecting on the day and it occurred to me that the dark and gloomy and foggy and cold, wet, gray day was a snapshot of the current season I am walking through.
As I continued thinking through this I realized how hard it has been to not just share this with others but to admit it to myself. “Why is that,” I pondered. Is it machismo? Do I just want to deny reality? Am I okay with living by the age old adage, “ignorance is bliss?”
Can I be honest? For me personally, it comes down to one word: pride.
Putting up a front is easy. Saying nice things or being polite or telling someone everything is good (when it’s not) comes second nature to me. But being honest with yourself and others? To ask for help? Well, that has been down right hard for me!
What’s ironic is that you can try and hide things internally but eventually they will manifest physically and guess what? I’m 20lbs heavier than I’ve ever been in my life, less active than I’ve been in 20+ years, have spent less intentional time in the Word & prayer than I have in 10+ years and some days, I haven’t wanted to get out of bed.
Over the past month or so I have been sharing this with more and more people. Slowly but surely I’ve had glimpses of “me” again. While the changes are slow and subtle, my eating habits, workout habits and social habits have been slightly improving.
Why? Because the Lord has finally allowed part of that pride-wall to be knocked down and strengthened me to ask for help.
Last night, as I finished playing pickleball, a new friend and I started catching up. When I asked if he’d be playing the next day, he told me he couldn’t because he was flying out for a funeral. He proceeded to tell me through tears that this was a friend he’s known for decades.
He was under 40, successful, married with two kids and by all outward appearances, living the American dream. So it's no surprise that when my friend got a call a week ago that his friend committed suicide, he was completely shocked.
I hung with my friend for a while and listened as shared his grief. “Everything seemed great.” “He was the last guy you would have ever thought would do this.” I shared with my friend the struggles I’ve been going through and we both agreed that sharing is far better than keeping it in.
But it also got me thinking of one of the greatest gifts we have as Christians is the local church and being able to call one another “brother” or “sister.”
Where would the first century church have been without one another? How could they have survived without one another? Is it not foolishness on my part to think that I can do it all on my own?
If God made us part of his family, what would the enemy want more than anything?
Isolation.
Can I be honest? Isolation kills.
It is not healthy for us as Christians (or anyone for that matter) to think it’s okay to try and muscle through things and “pull ourselves up by the bootstraps.” That may be what the world thinks but that’s not how God designed us.
So please, if you’re in a similar spot, if life is foggy and gray and you don’t want to get out of bed, please tell someone. Ask a brother or sister to pray for you. Message your pastor. Don’t buy into the enemy’s lie that you can do it on your own. You can’t and that’s okay.
———————— ———————— ———————— ————————
I thought I’d end on one thing that I’ve never been great at but which has really helped: Recognizing God’s glory and perfection in as many moments during the day that I possibly can.
On that rainy day I mentioned above? I couldn’t help but admire the way he paints the sky gray and allows raindrops to hang off of pine branches. Can you believe that you can even “smell” rain? How crazy is that? God came up with that.
Seeing my 2 year old daughter give my wife a huge hug every morning.
The way the stars seem to glow brighter in the night sky on a cold evening.
A midnight fire.
The sound of my 4 year old’s laugh.
And a few hours ago, as my wife and I celebrated her cousin getting married, I couldn’t help but pause for a moment to take it all in and give thanks to the Lord.
He created love. Not only was it His idea but He himself is love! I looked around at all of the people smiling and crying and dancing and watching and thought, “this is all because of Him…He deserves all of the glory!”
How often do I go through a day forgetting to realize it was He who gave me emotions? It was He who gave me the ability to cry as I watched two people become one at the altar. It was He who invented marriage.
And when we got home from the wedding around 1:30 a.m. and I couldn’t fall asleep, it was He who drew me to himself. And it was He who brought the first part of Hebrews 1:3 to my mind at 2:30:
“He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.”
All of the beauty we see around us - the sound of waves crashing, a baby laughing, a bride and groom being married - pales in comparison to His one and only son, Jesus.
Philippians 2:6-8 says:
“who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:6-8).”
Jesus made himself nothing.
Jesus took the form of a servant.
Jesus humbled himself by being obedient to death - even death on a cross.
Can I be honest? The enemy wants us to pursue the temporary pleasures of this world so that we lose sight of our Savior.
The solution? Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and pray for your brothers and sisters to do the same.
In closing, I have one request: Will you keep my family and I in your prayers?
As always, please email our team directly with any prayer requests you have. We look over and pray for each one.
In Christ,
Pete
23 comments
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Jan 11, 2025 • Posted by Curt Beavers
Pete will def pray for your family. Can’t wait to get my journal
Dec 13, 2024 • Posted by SteveJones
Hey Pete, I’ve already answered you privately because you opened up to me about a week ago on the beach and I totally agree with everything you so brilliantly wrote above about transparency, vulnerability, etc. I shared that I’ve gone through very similar seasons with the exact same symptoms of not wanting to get a bed or do anything. I think sometimes as men it’s harder for us to admit a weakness like depression but exposing it to the light and to others is the first sure step in gaining victory and conquering the depression or any other stronghold we as believers wrestle with. We cannot do it alone and I constantly remind myself and Satan “ greater is He who lives in me…..”
Love, Dad
Dec 13, 2024 • Posted by Carl Ruge
Hey Pete,thanks so
much for sharing your heart in great vulnerability and honesty.I will pray for you &
your family for sure.I am
learning to more &
more value &
look for church community in my brothers & sisters in Christ. I had a friend commit suicide and it was terrible.He had a bad back like me except way worse.We had the same chiropractor and he wanted to fuse his back.I talked to his widow,Carol & asked if Ray had been depressed and she said yes but he had kept a facade of all is ok.He was in extreme pain.She said he had talked about suicide for years.I was shocked & heart broken.Thanks for ministering to your friend who need a listening ear.In His love Carl
Dec 13, 2024 • Posted by Kaleb Kleiss
Thank you for sharing brother ! I love you in our LORD JESUS and will be keeping you guys in prayer , please keep me and my family in prayer that we would grow together in the LORD ❤️✝️🪖 (John 14:27) (Isaiah 26:3)
Dec 13, 2024 • Posted by Brett
Thank you for sharing, Pete. Thank you for the great example of being a Godly man; vulnerable and willing to go to the Lord for “repair.” I think quite similarly as you, and believe we need to slow it down once in a while to reconnect with our King. Why would we not? Yet, we all do this over and over again through life. I really enjoyed your post – thank you friend.
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