I was going through my notes yesterday and came across these raw words of mine typed out a few weeks ago. Fun fact: When my mind gets loud + my heart heavy I write notes to God. No formalities. I just let the pen glide or the fingers type across the keyboard and lay it all bare. So here I am inviting you into my notes with the hope + expectation that you’re spurred on. I have this feeling you too want what I want, have been where I was and desire to be moving forward + closer to Jesus with every breath you take.
What I want:
I want to know you more, Lord. Not the intellectual kinda know but the deep-down-in-my-soul-I-feel-restless-for-You kind of knowing. I want to be fully satisfied in You alone. I want to enjoy YOU MORE and hate sin more. I want to wake up first thing in the morning and my thoughts be Yours and when my head hits the pillow in the evening…those moments are reserved for You too. I want to walk away from my time with You changed a bit more each day. I want to invite You into all the moments of my day and not have You boxed into a “chair time.”
I want it to be easy to see that I have been with You. For the good of others and all the Glory is Yours.
Where I have been:
And yet despite all this holy wanting there’s a constant pulling under. A move against the current of this world that can leave one feeling alone and tired. Before I know it I have been caught up in it. Distracted. Forgetful. Self-serving. Heart + mind cluttered with worldly things. My true citizenship forgotten. But God. You beckon me from this.
I cry out in response to the Garden of Eden question that you still ask “where are you?” The light breaks through and suddenly I am awake. Pulling away from the world and running towards You.
How I move forward:
I draw near to you alone Lord. My heart is wide open ready to be searched fully. Confessing that which does not belong there. Repenting over the sin and imagining the heartbreak and feeling the weight of it all. Your grace abounds and I delight in your Presence and pursuit of me. I meditate on your WORD inviting your promised Spirit to do the holy work with my all in heart. I am still and quiet. Ready to receive + move as a Child of God + Citizen of Heaven. While the work in my heart here doesn't end on this side of eternity your promises compel me to keep coming back to Jesus. And so I will. With praise on my lips + holy expectation in my heart. I am Yours.
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My hope is you feel a little less alone + a whole lot spurred on for MORE time with Jesus. Because it is our absolute delight. AMEN?!
Let’s end with this prayer by A.W. Tozer:
O God, quicken to life every power within me, that I may lay hold on eternal things. Open my eyes that I may see; give me acute spiritual perception; enable me to taste Thee and know that Thou art good. Make heaven more real to me than any earthly thing has ever been.
Amen.
EnJOY a day + everyday thereafter close to Jesus!
29 comments
Jul 18, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
What’s to complain about,what if I don’t do it and I’m not responsible for somebody else action,could have been at home at 4 am smoking a blunt eating frosted flakes are sleep
Jul 16, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
I’m sick as hell,alone all the time,no matter what’s going on with somebody else I always want act like it’s them not me,couldn’t see them,just couldn’t quit talking whatever went wrong that I didn’t have to do today,
Jul 16, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
Did I never think of myself,when the world turned to jeepers creepers,with all the wrong things to do,stay home what’s out here when you not chasing a high,what’s your own mess nobody has to see anybody can change,
Jul 08, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
What’s the purpose when it’s really no good and next mistake,this brain stuff is a mess usually just talking about nothing,that don’t even matter,where is the bad when you not doing anything wrong where is the good when you doing every wrong just talking away,what’s tomorrow when it’s no today,
Jul 07, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
What do with self when alone, talking will never change anything a million words didn’t mean a things, hyper technology a new age in time in the underworld where the demon rules the earth spreading a massive plague
Jul 07, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
I wonder if could be one more person that knows that I’m nobody and the rest of the world doesn’t revolve around me,now I’m in Chicago what’s the next story for the stranger,when we all in need
Jul 04, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
How to crook and be quiet,what’s to talk about when the rest of the world don’t see you are hear you,
Jul 03, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
I wonder if there was a story in the bible about this one,whatever happened before will happen again,is it all meaningless,what’s next month are will it be the next 15 years an no me,
Jul 02, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
I wonder was I watching news everyday,week from week what could I really be thinking about ,who going blame who are the next crime scene on the daily basis,I couldn’t be quite enough when it really didn’t even matter,
Jul 02, 2024 • Posted by Nobody
Talking nut about what,somebody tied to car, somebody hung up by there neck,now they into nitro another level of strirodes ,and I been mentally ill almost 20 years,at end of the road of work.what a day never did reach rule of 80 ,30 years plus 50 retirement, social security at 67 some people back work at 70 ,what a world
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